when things aren't the same anymore.

staying at home most of the time is practically just boring.
so i guess i can blog more,reading through my past blogs is quite a funny thing at times.
time flew,we have all grew up.
if there is a time machine,i wish i can stop it now,cause i dont wish to grow up. ' those days when we were playing at the beach till our fullest content without any worries.'

these days,i just realised the reasons why daddy always tell me life isnt that easy,if given a chance,he dont want to reborn as human,he dont want to come back.but i would answer back and say i love being born here!
the reasons are known now.cause some things,some ppl just make you feel disappointed.they somehow stabbed a knife behind your back.but i really hope it was just a misunderstanding cause i dont want to lose a friend.
the thing that really can make me feel upset is when i make a friend unhappy or when i know i am losing a friend.i really treasure those who came in.so please stay there!(:

sat- went out with wormy,vincent and mel to have pepper lunch.wormy was so funny.her first time having pepper lunch and her unagi was burnt!and mel treat us half a anderson ice cream double scoop.yummms!(:
sun-angel went for a groom and her fury round ball tail was accidentally shaved off by the groomer.and i bought my jeans.HAPPY!(:

some friends are there no mater what(:

met up with wormy vthx and honey bunny belle(:

thanks to belle,we both had one scoop of free ice cream that made me jump around telling my family members!and the most happy thing i get to see them both after quite long actually.esp belle!i still rmb our maxi shopping trip!jiayous in sch wormy and honey bunny!((((:

i love you girls!<3

a time to cool..

ytd,4 nov 2010.
met up with my dearest and sweetest Ot-ians,they are still the same,the sweetest bunch of girls that never fail to lit up your life,their smile,their hugs,their words never fail to lit me up instantly! and i do remember evelyn asking me this qns: " do you ever regret going over?"
i stoned upon hearing the qns and dori was giving me the very sad look. and i told them,if i look back,i do i guess.so i forced myself to look forward instead of backwards,cause i believe what done is done. if looking back only bring lots of pain then try forcing yourself to look forward. thus,i will continue to work hard in this path that i chose,dont worry darlings!:D
we ate at yishun,walked around,bought stuffs,chit chat and had a very time catching up.next time must meet up with my "woman"-Chan Jie Min and Wan Li larhs! haven't been talking to them for ages too. Jiayous okays babes?i know you all can do it!(:
in the morning, i met up with my laogong(serene yeo).going out with her,talking to her is like talking to my own soul.she never fails to understand me,stand by me and hear me out.i just love her to the max max max! i hope she stay healthy,grow a bit fatter and stay happy forever.cause when she is happy, i am too!:D

and wormy,cheer up okays?you arent sily,you arent stupid,you arent foolish.i love you for the way you are,everyone got their limits,thei own choice,their own pace.i will stay by you to take those steps tgt,even if it a super tiny step,it's still an improvement!so dont give up!!you are doing great!wormy is here for you!I LOVE YOU!<3

EVERYONE, JIAYOUS OHS! ((((:

better off being friends.

we are better off being friends,are we?
i guess so,the words you say sought of ring a bell to me,the bell that woke me up.telling me we belong to a different world.we really would be better off being friends.

i know you will find someone better!(: i hope the best for you!

desaru!

went for a family trip to desaru~
guess what?the small dan xiao gui who dont know how to swim went to try driving jet ski and sat on a jet ski drive by a handsome instructor!:D it was so much fun!i nearly flew off the jet ski when he drove me then i was shouting like mad and hugging him so tightly from behind!

it's a fun trip with lots of drinking by the beach(drinking of the super salty salt water!)

lets go on another family trip again soon!i just can't stop loving this big big family!<3

Friends for life!:) love you babies!

人之所以快乐，
不是得到的多，
而是计较的少，
人之所以充实，
不是拥有的多而是奋斗的过程。
财富不是一辈子的朋友，朋友却是一辈子的财富，也许忙碌的日子让彼此疏远，但知心的朋友一生难忘，莫让时间冲淡友谊。
人生其实只有三天：
昨天！今天！明天！
愿你：
昨天值得回味！
今天尽情发挥！
明天充满机会！
我衷心的祝福你：
昨日开心，
今日顺利，
明日如意 :). Met up with min min darling and my honey bunny!:) I just love them soooooo much!thank you babes!meet up soonnn again~~~~<3

the life roller coaster!

yes!it is right,i am currently on this roller coaster that just moves forward,once in a while when i zoom past wheelchairs,falshes just keep running in my mind,life isn't the same anymore.it isnt that same without going to sch with wormy and sher,life isnt the same without min min and lili and faith around.but i just have to move forward. I made the choice that once in a while still makes me ponder if i am taking the right choice,i made THIS choice that made me pull my hairs when i am going stats and studying maths. BUT something that i wll not regret is knowing the every single one of the friends i know in OT and SIM too,they are really nice ppl with nice characters!(: i guess i am blessed!thank you for loving me everyone out there!<3

assignments and assignments and test PILING up UP and UP!

JIAYOUS PPL!<3

the wound hurts once in a while,but i will try my best to cover it well..

yupps,accounts test is finally over,i hope i did well.after sooo long,i had a test,test always means bad experience for me!
and,yahs,before my test i was very nervous and noah bring being very nice wanted to call me to give me encouragement,but i told him:i very pek check now,dont talk to me then i said bye!
i think i was the worst girl out of all,i dont know why i said that out.sorry sorry!cause i really was too nervous i think.sorry noah tan!sorry!>,<

and after accounts,i went back msia and got a haircut!my perms are missing!can you believe it??!?!my hair is now only shoulder length now!OMG!

the angel who was sent by heaven..

as you all might have known,angel might not be doing very well in her health,the freaking blood report that freaks everyone out...
one of the components is like 1000++ but in normal dogs,it is only 59!!!!!!!!
it's such a huge difference!
i am going to bring her for a xray and ultrascan soon.i hope nothing is wrong.i hope the eport went wrong,i hope everything is just a nightmare where i will just slap myself awake.
i havent been talking ti him,for a very very long time.we have moved on,we have our own lives now...

the pain which i was trying to cover...

in fact,i havent got over it at all.i thought i had,i thought i had placed lots and lots of layers over the wound to make it less painful,to tell myself time will heal the pain.but it fact it hasn't.the pain is just right there,the miss is still there.but i guess i will really have to let go fully now,cause you chose where heart is now,and it's just right with her,she took over your heart.and yahs,i am feeling mixed now.i am happy for you,happy for her,but yahs,i feel that pain.

or maybe i had been trying to put up a show acting like i am okays when i arent?i don't know.but i think it doesn't matter anymore,you got your life,i got my life.i guess slowly,we might be the most distant friend that one could ever be.

at 12 when the clock ticks...

this is what i saw in chze hao's fb,this cute guy is falling in love! and i totally agree to what he says...
其实,想念一个人也可以是甜蜜的..因为这是单方面的举动,最私人的空间,别人拿不走也管不了..是一种不需要回应的乐趣：）
loving someone can be painful,it can be sweet. sweet+bitter=thats what ppl term as love.i lknow you love her

don't judge a book by it's cover..

i met up with beat rice ytd night! at 9+ pm at starbucks cause she want to lend my stats book to do the work,and we chatted till the cows came home..reach home around 12+,it's really interesting,we are in the same sch,same course,but we dont get to talk to each other.i think i am so dead.everyone's starting work except me!i think i must on my engine fast fast!!!!let is run at 4th gear!

oh ya~i am starting to love driving,it's so fun manipulating the gears,though it's scary,but it's really fun!:D
i got a superb instructor ytd,i was so happy!he didin't touched or say anything that made me feel uncomfortable,he taught me how to correct my mistakes and didn't waste any time with me!i like him!<3and,i am going driving today,i hope i get a nice instuctor too!hope i get sam loi,he is a good instuctor too!

went back to ijc with wormy ytd and met our dearest ms ang!we were jumping around when we saw her,i just love her!she made me got a B for chem,for U to B leii!(though that's the only good result)but i still wish to thank her for her patience...and wormy,i missed spedning the times with her.a simple meal,a feew hours of talk even under the sorching crazy sun,i enjoyed it...i love my wormy!

thanks for protecting me dearies...protecting me all kind of ways.thanks!:D

schools' starting and assignments are running in..

RUN run RUN~ assignments are rolling in and it's making me stressing up man.i dont know where to start,where to end,where to hide. i havent got adjusted to school and the next minute the projects are coming.and the ppl in uni are diff,very diff,esp guys, they have very distinct plans in mind of what they want and they are chionging straight there!(buff man esp) but i admire them,they are strong ppl with determined minds!

somethings are just best kept as memories;kept in the box tittled the sweetest memory...

the strong girl outside..

yeah,whoever you are,you are right,i am acting strong outside.but now,i am tired.tired mentally,i need a break.a break to take off all my strong exterior to cry out aloud once more.maybe just because i am sick now,i dont have the energy to fight the thoughts in my mind now.i will just quietly let my mind do the job of healing.time past,wounds heal.
call me silly,call my stupid.at 11.11pm/am,i heard from belle that whenever you see 11.11,angels are around you,make a wish and it will come true.i would always quietly pray for you,pray for you to get well.jiayous!(:i wishh to see my phone ring

ching teng + siew mai...

went to sch on a saturday,it was a totally tiring..and the best thing is it is at 830am in the morning! 3 hours computing session where the lecturer starts talking and no one knows what she is saying...so i was practically stoning in the lecture till i realise i shouldnt be spending my time like that~so i asked around and no one taught me!>.< say they dont know..

i turned my chair around and asked the guy behind me,he tried explaining and i forgot to ask his name too.he came over to my seat and thought me the stuffs(actually he was helping me do 3 pages of the work) so the rest of my classmates was like laughing till they want fall off the chair,say i purposely pretend dont know,take his pic and mine...and,another classmate was like suddenly telling me what to click and stuffs,so i was like staring at her,saying:i thought you say you dont know how to do?!?!. she rebutted and say now she know how to do le.so there it goes again,my face was like this---> =.=

then my sister kept wanting to drag me to town when i was already so tired.she just wanted me to accompany her to get a haircut.but in the end,she was going to meet her friend,so got her haircut at causeway pt.i went to have ching teng and siew mai with daddy while waiting!

it's just a normal $2 ching teng with $2 siew mai,but it left me with to many things,i shared my thoughts with daddy about life,shared my thoughts about how i think i have grown. at first,he was saying i still have a very long way to be mature,saying i am immature and stuffs.but when we started talking,he was like practically listening and agreeing.

there was this one moment when i turned and look at daddy,i realised he had grown,he had aged.he is still the old sweet daddy i have,the daddy who loves to share alot of view about life,the daddy that never beats me regradless of what i did but always try his best to use his view about life to educate me,the daddy who always thinks he didnt spend enough time on us because he always had to be out stationed.but daddy has aged,i was searching for the wrinkles he has,searching for the usual look on his face.

my heart ached when i was staring at him,my heart was aching when i told him about the children at awwa,telling him how strong willed they are,how they can't choose what they want in life but yet trying hard to let the society accpet them for who they are.there it was,second time in my whole life,my daddy was crying,first time in public.tears were collecting in his eyes as thoughts of the people in madagascar filled his mind.but admit the fact,one person can only do a very small part to help,we just have to try hard to help anyone that we can help,do the smallest thing to help!(:

daddy,a simple meal makes my love for you grow fonder.
daddy,be strong because i love you.
daddy,i may be the immature little girl in your eyes,but i will prove to you one day that i have grown and take very good care of you,like how you used to shower me with love.
daddy,don't feel bad about not always being there in our lives because i know you are doing your job.
daddy,i love you for who you are.
daddy,i just want to shout out to you,I LOVE YOU! <3

i know i am loved!:D

thanks ppl!!!really thanking from the bottom of my heart..
i guess sometimes we are just blinded by the fact that we are fortunate little bunch. we either take people for granted or we are just too busy in life to notice who is there to really care and love us,we never had the chance to thank that special friend or that special family member or that special someone,we always tend to realise we have alot to say to that person when we are losing them or had lose them.we only treasure when we lose it.

contentment makes you treasure,contentment makes you happy.i dont ask for more actually,i know i am leading a life that is just so fortunate,who friends who are loving and caring about me every minute,friends who get really flared up when i cry,friends who go all means to protect me using different methods,friends who hear me nag all night,friends who hear me cry through the phone,friends who stop my tears. AND AND!i got the cutest piano teacher who just flared up after hearing what the driving instructors did to me,he suddenly shoot up after hearing the story,he say "i beg you,can you please protect yourself?it's really dark out there,you dont know what the uncles are thinking out there,they are sick people,trust me!" i was like >.< really?!?! i am scared now!
live well and happy..cause that's my last wish..

the "i am fine girl"

i totally agree with belle's post about the "i am fine girl"
that's life,trying hard to cover every single upsetting part of it,trying to force myself to be happy when i aren't,i am doing all this to move on in life.maybe i am a fool,but that's just so me-Tan Yi Xi, the girl who arent really happy she is in somewhere in business,the girl who has a broken heart at the moment,the girl who is trying to forget what happened,the girl who will answer i am fine when ppl ask but actually deep down maybe not so alrights...

i have grown,we have all grown...

life's short,admit the fact. life's unpredictable,recognise the fact.

i have grown from the fall,i really sincerely wish the best for you guys!(: (wo kan hao ni men!)

i just got back from the orientation camp... and yahs...didn't see any fishes like you guys have thought.HAHAHAHAS! but i saw alot of PRETTIES!!!my group already got ALOT! pretty with or without make up,you name it,they have it man!:D
i think this sim life will be looking at pretty girls like i always did!but i love looking,it's okays!

how is it?it was pretty alrights,just that there was this part that guys starting sharing their army ghost stories that really freaked me out!and this ryan(single but cannot be available) just kept laughing at me,say i want hear then scared like dunno what.
and,he managed to realise my flaw-blurrrr after like talking to me for a few secs.my face was practically like =.=....i am not going to tell you my nickname!but thay manageg to guess it and just kept laughing non stop!
worst of all,he say he will "look after" me in class at least for a year,say he will look and laughh at me!>.<

best joke of the day:i placed my plastic bag the right side and the water from my soaked shoes are like dripping everywhere and i was showing ryan,jason and the rest.i said die liao,my plastic bag got hole is it?then beatrice is like trying to figure out the problem..and she suddenly shouted when she saw i put the plastic bag upside down,ie,hole is facing the down side.and yahs,there they go, laughing like mad,telling me good morning!!!

moving on...

tmr is a brand new start,a brand new beginning...i am moving on a new phase in life!(:

the strong Tan Yi Xi is going to a new phase of life..saying goodbye to the old Tan Yi Xi..

new life,new beginning,new reasons to smile....
to my friend: wo zhu fu ni men...

angel is 2 TODAY!

25th june is a brand new start!

time flies and angel is already 2 this year!i still remember the first time she stepped into our house looking like a small little rabbit hopping all around,trying to explore the whole new environment,i love her to the max max max!when she ate chocos,i was so upset till a couldnt concentrate in class,project meetings and my heart just keeps racing and i dont know where i got hte courage to quarrel with my mom,i told her if it cost me everything, i will still bring her to the vet.When i hear a phone call from home,i was crying in trains while looking through her pictures cause i thought she will be gone soon...

i hope she stays with us,forever,i hope reality wouldnt be that cruel...

named as an angel,but has an evilish character,that's my dearest dog-ANGEL TAN!

ANGEL Tan, HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY!<3
jie jie ai ni ohhhs~

hey heys!i realise i got alot of dearies in my life..

min min aka meow,shu ling aka lao gong,vivien aka wormy!:D

these 3 dearies are always there with me!i am so touched by the every single word they say,the stuffs they do,the actions they take...it touches every single part of my heart!:DD

i have a better future waiting for me!i know that...

we are just friends, we will forever be friends,dont worry!(:

milk tea..

milk tea has a lot of flavours nowadays..
apple,chocolate,ovaltine...so yah,i am sure this cup of milk tea will just do well for you,dont worry yahs?
no matter what,no matter where,i will still be your mei mei that is going to support you!

JIAYOUS GOR GOR! q(o^^o)P

the taiwanese!:D

daddy's friend child from taiwan came over with his mom to find a place for him to study, and since it was sunday,it was time to go shopping! we went to vivo. saw a guy proposing to a girl in the middle of the whole shopping mall and everyone was like starring in amazement! such a sweet move right? but yahs,it's pretty shocking for the girl i think.i think she was still working as she was wearing her uniform!

this pair of mom and son are like friends! they go around kicking each other butts and bickering with each other yet when the mom really teaches the son sth,he listens!(: amazing right? (i hope next time i can have a family like that too!)

then yahs,this morning i went to AWWA for a briefing,saw the children there and they are really cute! i want to volunteer my time there next time!it's so cool~they have hyro therapy sessions and stuffs, and i saw a board for occupational therapy,which reminded me of the truth that i am not in that course anymore..

the best thing is before i slept ytd,i was scolded by my dad,being scolded by not being matured in thinking simply because i said that my bro's mindset was right. he wanted to work to get the stuffs he want and i think there is nothing wrong with it. so there came the debat,we were talking and quarreling.trying to convince whose idea was right.but yahs,i lost.i am the immature one....

friends that stayed by you...

i met with serene yeo shu ling ytd!<3 she is the biggest love of my life~~~
it feels so carefree talking to her,telling her this and that and she will always help me with lots of stuffs!it really feels so great to be with her!(:

and yahs,my wormy is downwhen my wormy is down,i will be too.we are the worms in each other's body!and yahs,she did a super cute and touching card for me last fri and i was so touched reading the stuffs she wrote.i tried cheering her up!but i think to no avail.sorry deary,all i can do is to stay by your side!i am always here alrights?(:

and mr glen tan!this very irritating guy, keep saying i am dumb dumb. but i know he dotes on this xiao mei mei here!jiayous in quitting smoking yahs!i know you can do ittt~ min min also supporting you!

glen-my friend.

OT vs Business

that's my life,struggling to choose one which i dont even know how to choose.
i love helping people,helping people is my passion,but i dont think i am strong enough to face the world of ppl who are less fortunate and when i hear their life events,i pretend i dont know them.
i am easily affected,i know that's for sure.

and glen,he told me i will be a good OT.it makes a difference to me.cause helping it from someone who has seen so many healthcare professionals is diffierent and i want to help him.i want to see him stand and run and even drive!but not speeding,okays?

my mind has been struggling with OT and Business for so so long.willi get to see the path ahead soon?
what is my career?WHAT IS my liking?i dont know.really....cause business is totally new to me.

it's time to review my class.

sch is always scary for me.

no matter how hard i seem to pray to get into a fun-filled class,i still roughly get into the same kind in the end( you know which on i am talking about,the competitive class which is very scary)  which i don't even know the reason,is it just my life?i shall continue pondering that.
but casting that aside,school's quite fun with the walking sticks and crutches we tried today!

and BEST OF ALL-i got to sit in the HOIST!i was like a big baby in the thing and the whole class staring at my butt cause the sheet wasn't covering it,so my butt was outside.i was the lucky one!i shouted so loudly i want when the teacher ask we want volunteer to sit in the hoist. i was shouting like crazy wtih eeling!!!fight there say i want,i want,i want!HAHAHAHAHS! fullof crap.

another thing,i really feel so guilty doing all sorts of shiity stuffs, i accidentally say out jie min's surprise to her bf!i feel like punching myself into my face!!!!!!!!!!!!!!haix,,,and secondly,i bad mouth her.i think i need to give her a new chance,she is really nice at times,but jie min say it isn't true.she only come close when she needs us.i am so confused by how the human mind works.can it be simplified?(:

prijects that me shake my head!

early in the morning and i checked my email acc,and guess what?
it's projects + projects and still projects,it's flying all over.i just want to have a good rest without all these to think about.so irritating.so many project meetings. whenever projects come,need to think hard and say something,do your own part,afriad of bring marked down by gorup mates.+.+

plus got module ICA on monday,drama + film,and the best part is i dunno a sinle actor nor do i know much movies,hope i can pass it with flying colours then.i dont want to be the "failure" again;failing one exam after another.

got to start doing my projects soon, and i have to stay home with my bro and my doggy!cause the whole family is out,mummy,daddy and elder sis went taiwan.younger sis went to korea.and me and TAN YI ZE?AT HOME!:( i want to go shopping in taiwan,eat ding tai feng,mango ice,oyster noodles,crispy chicken!when is my turn coming?

girls are silly,and i am one of them!

girs are silly, i totally agree with it because i am also one of them.
silly enough to tell him it's a positive answer just to realise that his ex is back.really funny to hear that.i feel silly,like being thrown down from somewhere high up, and dreams get crushed.

images that kept running in a mind,like how a movie plays.

i don't wish to see what happened ytd night.i wished that nothing like that had happened,i wished that i didn't see anything ytd night.it's a hurtful scene seeing how things had turn to.this is not what we wanted.i just hope the images shoooo away from my brain now.don't ask me what happened.cause it's a trauma to relate it again.if i told you what happened,keep it to yourself.please.cause i dont want to hurt her.i love her more than anything else.her happiness is all that matters to me now.

i guesses what i read on vivien's blog is totally right.
many people think "I LOVE YOU" is a overused phrase,i reckoned we don't say it enough.that's true.

please dont do it again,it hurts me,hurts us.

1,2,3,we are back to school.

school=lectures+ tutorials + projects!
guess how many projects do i have now?!it's 6!!!!!really 6!OMG!
and i havent done a single research.i have to start my engine soooN~

it's nice to be in school and see familiar faces like vivi,sher,belle,siti,lyiana and cindy!it makes you feel more comfortable,more secure(:

my class is pretty competitive i guess,and yahs,i think i need to heed shi min's advice,think think think before i say anything.i dont know why i tend to use my heart to talk whenever i start chatting.is this called innocent or stupid? 0.o

YAAAYYY!i met with my dearest!

weee~my lao gong!met up with her and she's so sweet!

it's always nice to have her shoulder by my side,i will always lie on her shoulders and tell her i am tired.tell her all the thing that have been happening,talking to her is never enough.i always hope time will stop at the moment and we can chat till the sky fall off.i got so many things to share with her.it's really so nice to have her around.

It warms my heart instantly.

It makes my day wonderful.

It makes me treasure my days.

It leaves a smile in my heart.

i just love her.love the way she is.

school life!

brand new environment with brand new friends,sounds great?

actually it is not bad.:D
but yahs,the course is pretty stressful also.the project havent come all at one go!

finally,a sweet post!

 we went out and had a buffet lunch,though the lunch wasn't great,not everyone was there,but it was a very very sweet moment which i really love!i  love my FAMILY.F.A.M.I.L.Y-Father and mother i love you!i know i am a fortunate little girl because i have you guys(:i am sorry,i have disappoint you guys with my results,despite of that you brought me to south africa,China,Taiwan and to places where many people wouldn't had the chance to go.

the truth that hurts more than anything...

i failed.once again.and this time i wouldn't tell what is it..cause i really think it is a very very very shameful thing.it is the hardest thing to fail.

i need time,seriously,and it's not an hour,2 hours,3 hours,24 hours or 48 hours.i need lots of them.it feels shitty having failed so many stuffs at one go.am i really that curseD?

and this time,the person i feel really apologetic is my teacher,Mr Hui.I am sorry,like what i have said to you just now,i am sorry....i brought shame on you.i heard the gossips form the aunties.

Do you hate goodbyes?

Goodbye,sayonara, zai jian...

time really flies,its April!my birthday month!but i aren't that excited cause firstly,i don't want to be 19 that soon,secondly,this year might just be a pretty lonely birthday with a brand new group of classmates in poly.
On top of my birthday, i might be leaving dad's company for long.it's been 4 months since i work;when i am quite used to the life in the company and just started getting along with everyone,i have to leave,SOON,REAL SOON. Goodbyes are really the toughest part, i know i will miss all the staffs,vera JIE JIE's straightforwardness,Jin Mei JIe Jie's cute way of speaking,Uncle Mus's Joke,Uncle Rosli's funny faces,Uncle Liew's smiles,Kuteh's fierce looks,Auntie Helen and her life saving(last min) calls,Uncle Jacky's handphone ringtone and his "LAI",Mr. Lim's optimism and jokes,Kelvin's word of wisdom, Ms Lim's quietness,Auntie xiao Hui's cute hairstyle,Stefanie's fluent way of speaking english,Uncle Jin Shi's tigerish voice,Ah wei's cheeky smile,ah feng's excuses,ah bin's "Ohs,Ohs"  and all these excludes my own family members(daddy,papa,Auntie Tracy,Uncle Ben,Uncle Woon,desmond gor). i have to leave soon,really would miss my dad's company,miss the whole crew,miss the place where i matured and grew independent.i knew i have cause i learnt how to handle cases,handle all sorts of customers.

But i hate GOOdbyes,it really makes me feel dejected.:(

Ytd vivien narly fainted,got the biggest shock of my life,i thought she just wanted to lean on my shoulder to rest when she felt even deeper into my arms and i saw her knees wobbling.My heart sank,i thought something was going to happen to my wormy.i quickly shout for help.luckily a auntie(indonesian/nurse to be) came over, the auntie/nurse made her a cup of SUPER DUPER sweet milo and after finishing it,her face totally changed,she was finally smiling!the best smile ever.:D wormy ahs,you must eat healthy food,no more KFC for you!

the world's changing,the modern are taking over the outdated.the shop houses opposite my house are gone :( the fruit stall and the small little store with fresh coconut juice are taken over by 7/11,wet markets are taken over by ss..Is this really the fate of the seasoned?Do the old have to make way for the young and advanced?Is this really what we want?a store without a tinge of tradition but a house full of cutting-edge goods and furnitures?convenient as the store might seen,but it still lacks the warmth of small shop houses.


 MODERN VS TRADITION,as saddening as it might seem,we can't stop the world from pursuing into another edge.

yahs.i call this a shitty day.

yahs.today is a plain shitty day.

i got scolded like crazy by some girl that was so rude.asked my boss (which is my dad) to close down our company,ask my dad to file for brankrupt all that shit.i think she was plain rude.and yahs,although you are right,i lied to you saying my aunt wasn't there. but it wasn't your first time calling in to scold us right?we tried to help you but you became so hostile,we already returned your deposit and you want to file a lawsuit against us?i think it is pretty ridiculous.
On the other hand,yahs.i utd that she is doing her job too.but i think it's pretty funny,she rather waste the time calling us then find another person who can provide the items she require.so yahs,even if you are in dire straits, don't throw your temper on others, because it spoils another person's day, throwing temper doesn't improve the situation.who doesn't want the business to go on smoothly?don't say nasty words,bacause it really hurts.

and yahs.secondly,my mom and my cousin is joining the "silence"club or should i say ignoring club?the club that only ignores me?for my mom,i know its my fault,but i don't think it is entirely my fault though.as for the other person,i don't know what is the reason,if i know i would have apologised.seriously,because i love her as much as i love my siblings.or should i say,i treated her as my sister? and this invisible thing is killing me,hurting me slowly.i really hope to talk to you,joke like we used to.l

life's short,treasure it.Don't wait till you lose it. thats how my dad taught me,so will you treasure me now?

BTE and OT.

these are the two words running in my head now.i need to pass basic thoery evaluation by 5th april or else my basic theory test will be cancelled.i dunno why i just can't pass.it makes me feels stupid.rea;;y.most ppl one time pass.i really dunno what's wrong and i doubled checked the answers...

and OT?
i just got to know i got into occupationl therpay in nyp.and i think no one got into that course except me.so i am alone there.i hope i meet great frens there(: i hope.ori pray i meet someone i know(:

it's been a while since i hear from you boy..

it's been utterly shocking.

less than a year and now you have bid goodbye;and it's a everlasting goodbye.
the first time i placed my eyes on you,you were different,you looked like a malay and i happened to hear about your story about your background. i was not to mention about your family cause as s young boy,you know what was happening and i kept mum.

the 2/3 days at a famosa where i played with you,it was so happy,oh boy,now you are gone,it makes me realise how unpredictable life can be.i kept playing around with you,.taking care of you,bringing you for breakfast as though you are like the little bro of mine.and when someone asked you if i am pretty you just smiled and whispered the answer into your cousin's ear.at the night carnival,your cousin finally told me that you don't think i was pretty,true enough,it does hurt me a little but it's okays,i know it's the truth and i know you are the cute,innocent boy that i love. you taught me how to play nitendo's  cooking mama and it was so nice of you to lend me your nitendo to play.you may be that very distant boy,but i felt the special bond.

oh boy,now you are in a place where you might be happier,that will be the last and first time i see you.this is life;your life,you were a great boy and now you are a great angel.thank you for all the great memories,you may not be here physically any more,but you will stay alive in my heart and memories-forever.

boy,you will be missed.thanks for making the difference in our lives.i love you!<3

okays,i got scolded AGAIN

yahs,i know,i know...i know i can't just fall down like this!i know i must pull myself up,but try standing in my shoes,you will know how terrible it feels to fail.

and rmb,when i pull myself up,i won;t be the same,i will be stand taller,stand higher and let those that look down on me see how well i can be!esp xx teacher!i will show you!
it's a little more crappy seeing this on the driving centre screen:

book B-76% = FAILED
book C-89% = FAILED
book D(half done)-92%=PASSED

it makes it looks like everything is fails when you fail one stuff.BUT I am going to pass the real one!

nightmares come to an end,but not reality.

THIS IS CRAP!really crap.i landed on singapore on 15th march,8+ pm just to get a blow after another which sends me spinning and spinning tilll i broke down and cried till my eyes swell.

1st,i got the news about the appeal for gp.actually when i called home for the application for nyp,my sis read the msg to me.but i thought no one would appeal and it's quite exp.and i didn't hear about any closing application date,so i just threw that aside to settle the NYP stuffs.who knows?so many ppl applied,i was in shock for 2 few mins.

2nd,biggest blow.i read all the msg and the same msg keep appearing from diff ppl,and most of them got their solutions and i guess i was the only lost soul running around in circles.some told me they are going to retake,some told me they are going to apply and wait and when they start asking me,telling me that the application dateline is like TMR or Wed(which is today) and i was lost.i don't even know what course i want to study.So,I AM LOST.

3rd,i haven't settled down and my piano teacher called,told me to get down in like 5 mins to get the piano book from him so that i can use it for tmr's exam.I was flustering,like a mad woman;i haven't been practicing piano for like more than a week and with my lousy skills i am going for grade 2 exam.So,I WAS MORE LOST.

4th,my mom started yelling at me and my sis.Yelling + Nagging about we not giving a hand while she had to clear all the luggages to do laundry.SO,I WAS VERY LOST + Frustrated.

5th,i told my dad about the retaking and appealing for gp,e told me it's alrights to go back to sch to study for another year,which was actually my last option.cause i really don't wish to get back there.it's like a nightmare.i don't want to go back to the place where i failed so many times despite the hardwork.it's like something that is lost,once lost,you can never get it back.,the confidence that was lost due to all the failures just adds up all tgt. i  don't have the confidence to get back there and tell myself i will do better.i can't promise that,i don't have the confidence in myself. Does anyone knows how it feels like?

1+2+3+4+5 = EXPLOSION!


my tears kept rolling down like nobody's business.i called shu ling and i cried more.i was lost,really lost in the faraway land that may send me to hell.it just hurts to see the result slip again or hear someone talk about it.i was like a naked child running in the woods,running to somewhere which has no ends.i just kept on crying and i shouted.i let out all my emotions at one go.At south Africa,i was smiling and i was telling everyone that i don't wish to return here,don't wish to face  the reality.the reality that hurts like anything.


and heys,to everyone: i know i was harcsh,i know i am being emo but it's all because i am los,i really am baffled.i am sorry,guys. i didn't throw  my tantrums on purpose,i didn't want to lose control of my emotions.i really love you guys.so,i am sorry.esp to mom amd dad and my family mambers, i know you guys are trying to help me and trying to make me happy.i really appreciate it. :)
Lim Kelly,sorry.Stop being mad at me.i didn't purposely lock you outside the room,i just needed some time,some moments which i can all alone and cry my lungs out.

1,2,3 and i am pulled back into reality....

my results?i can't bring myself to say it cause it is so unthinkable that i just wished it was a horrible nightmare.A nightmare that can be forgotten when i am awake,a nightmare which i can console myself when i am awake,a nightmare that wasn't true....

After A'Levels, i had been trying not to think about the results,not to worry too much about it,hoping that miracle s do actually happen,i had been clinging on the little tiny weeny hope. But it's all dashed now,my hopes and dashed.AND THIS IS THE REALITY!!!!!a rude wakening reality!!!!!!!!!!!!!IT IS THE REALITY!!!!!!!!!!!!A reality that i can't console myself,a reality that makes me lost.

you know what is feels like to see your results slip which has UNGRADED IN GP?THEN A STUPID FREAKING D for maths,D for BIO and a FREAKING C in H1 GEO?!i tell you straight in the face,it's freaking   freaking irritating and freaking SAD.it makes you feel so lost,so stupid and it makes you lose your confidence each and every sec.and it hurts each and everytime you think about it,IT IS JUST SO FREAKING HURTFUL......

lost in the faraway land.....

life is as confusing as ever..i am sitting alone in the office waiting for my dad's arrival.

" when is your results coming out?"
"when is your results coming out?"
"when?when? WHEN?"

i think it's almost confirm it's this fri-5th of march!!!!!!

" so what are you interested in?"

i am also lost,the answers i could only give is, i don't know,i don't know...
i think since young something has been wrong with me,i don't know why but i don't have a talent/flair in ANYTHING!what is happening?i thought everyone is suppose to have one?how come i don't have one?!?!

i am lost,lost in this faraway lan where i don't know where my future lies,don't know what are my results going to turn out to be,don't know what i am interested in,don't know what i want to do in the future.maybe it's because i am just the plain little baby that needs to be spoonfed?or am i just plain stupid?

there's only one me....

i dunno what i can do.i just feel helpless..
suppose to have a nice shopping trip with my 2 gossip partners.but just few hours ago,my mom told me to acc her to indonesia.my dad's bringing her over for their 25th wedding anniversary.i didn;t wan to go cause i went there before alr and i don't wan to become lightbulb.but my dad told me to acc my mom,cause she will have to come back alone on sun.so ask me acc her.

but are also my precious, i can't say no to my mom, so i had to say sorry to my frens.sorry about it yahs.i know it/s my fault,i always have alot of stuffs.sorry yahs.that time the gathering also didn't turn out well cause everyone haas thier own lives,own stuffs.haix...

there's only one me,how can i divide myself?sorry gals.next time next time.i promise!

today i sprained my neck...so i am here.at home rotting...

i am sorry,gossip girls,i really feel bad.

i can't reject..

HEYSSSSSSSSSSS~!

GOSH!i am so freaky happy!my worm helped me do up my blog without me knowing! I AM SO SURPRISED!thank you so much for helping me!but boy, i am sorry, i didn't wait for your help.sorry boy.

i went out with my friend ytd,it was quite fun with all the talking and laughing. thought the movie wasn't that great, but it was a fun time hanging out with him.NOW, my sis is asking me out for movie cause her activity is cancelled and she saw thru me, she knows i won't reject because yahs..i am single and no one woos me.all alone la!she's right larhs.shit!

happy lunar new year!

GONG XI ahs gong xi~
New year is finally heere.:D
just got home from msia, it's the usual get together, but with a different twist!that is one more new member- my DADDY! He was so happy that he kept eating and eating, trying to eat all the delicacies that he missed 3 years.

chu xi-steamboat and steamboat!it's been so long since we ate steamboat, this few years was either eating out or catering. Modernisation made our lives easier but it lost the meaning of getting  reunion dinner, food doesn't seem so tasty no matter what kind of food it was. so steamboat is still the best reunion dinner, esp with so many ppl eating it tgt!it's just so fun.After our dinner, we had a special programme organised by my FEI(favourite) cousin- TAN WEI XI! she didn't get to join us for dinner cause she is in bandung, she made a video for our whole family, old old old photographs pops out and we were laughing till our tears drop. Old photographs of the first generation till the 3rd generation.It's really so cool to see how each and everyone has grown...time flies, we have grown and it's time for us to give back to our parents.

pubilsh the post for chu yi and 2 again. ;D

my "supposed" wonderful day is spoilt and rotten!

Ytd working was fun,happy,hilarious for unknown reasons.maybe what mr lim said was right,it was because no one called to shout through the phone!nice ppl called and they thought the initiative to greet you too, see?i told you,simple gestures can make bring a smile to others.it did mark our whole day, it was so hilarious with Uncle JACKY CHANg and Mr Lim around,although they should be competitors.they kept joking and joking and make me smile till i was shivering so badly that i could't do my work. AND the funniest part was Kelvin,he don;t actually utd much of chinese and he just kept laughing along with us.He's cute and really really GOOD-tempered.when someone scolds him,he will just laugh.Laughing can do wonders,so please smile more!:D

And magically, the time flys past like a rocket,*phew phew phew* and it's the magical time (6PM)! i told Mr Lim, and he said because the whole day no one was scolding us,but i did really typed wrong some invoice and kept apologising to kelvin cause he got scolded for me.and he kept telling me:"it's okays,i made mistakes too,no...it's error,not mistakes,human make errors,if they don't then something is really wrong!" His words just got engraved within me, yes, we are humans and we would make errors.most imptly,learn from the mistakes.

and worst of the worst, i am supposed to meet kor and go enrol for driving,i haven'tmet him in million  years, and i would love to meet him, but my dad told me Sari jie was coming so i told kor i ca't meet him.and dad told me he would bring me for enrolment for driving this morning and after that fetch Sari jie.BUT he broke  the promise,he went out to meet his client and i am SUPPOSED/ORDERED to bring my sister back to msia for her dental. and look at this ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- I DON't want get stuck in the jam and i just went back like 2 days ago for my own dental.and i am supposed to ENROL!!!!!

guess i am just going to get stuck in this shit again.happiest thing was ytd, my sis got LOLLIPOP LG and i get to use it 2 days/:D

02/02/2010

LOOK at this!!!!!!Who did this freaking job?!how can you BEAR to pour hot water on its small and brittle body?!look at it's swollen stomachs!

All these stories just makes you feel so disgusted by how cruel human can be, how can one do such such a cruel thing? Dogs are our best friend!DON'T DON'T DON'T do such stuffs to them..

Sometimes hearing such stories makes me wonder how many more abandoned and abused dogs are there? Behind everyone, there always lies a story, it may be a sweet little story or a heart wrenching story, no one knows useless you share it. Often we are trapped in the web of hatred,anger,regret and not able to forgive the person that "spoilt" your life,but we don't realise the person we couldn't forgive is ourselves.



a special date-02/02/2010
(sometimes i wish i wasn't that forgetful..)

what i can do for you?

dogs dogs dogs....

what can do i do after i saw the picture of the abused dog in facebook?life just makes me feel so helpless at times...all you could do is to scodl the person who abused and abandoned it, but other than that, you can't do anything pretty much.they are human's best friend,STOP ABUSING THEM!abusing them doesn't solve the problem, it only hurts dog loversssss...so PLEASE STOP ABUSING dogs!

tmr is going to be a long long day!with kelvin taking leave,i think i will be bombarded with work!and with my lack of experience,it will take FOREVER for me to finish the work.

but.the happiest and sweetest moment was wormy's sms that was so sweet.asking me if i got scolded by customers and stuffs.sometimes small little gestures warms up my heart instantly!:D

and to laogong: i  think sometimes we are just a bit careless and foolish to believe, and i am so sorry,because of my carelessness i said sth which i shouldn't.i am sorry....

the surprise which was in vain.

look at him!he is just so cute~(my nephew)
my daddy's birthday-a pure failed plan.i guess what he said was right.i was the on at fault.the not meticulous one,the one who never planed properly to result in a failed surprise party..the chairs came at the wrong moment and hence, the surprise was gone.what a waste!i was so utterly upset.

but heys,the only thing that made me happy was the people who came.i would really love to thank them for taking time to come over and have a great dinner!it's just so heart warming to see everyone at our house-our BIG BIG family!love them to bits and pieces.

i admit,i was upset,upset over the failed surprise which was initially thought to be unappreciated,luckily after quite long he told me he appreciated and gave me a big KISS on my face.and oh ya,thank you vivi and lao gong for hearing all my nags!

fulfilling day!

i packed and packed and packed...packed till the cows come home! today isn't a usual office lady day.i had to help out in the packing.

sometimes i think as humans we are weird, when we are dong the some old usual stuffs we get bored.and when we get another job, we miss the old job again! isn't that really confusing? getting scolded by customers acutally become something i hope i am dong when i am in the store where i cut my fingers when doing stuffs and i had to walk back to the office building just to go to the toilet. aren't my life an irony?

and hey!thurs should be our clique outing.i just hope it goes on smoothly and everyone walk off with a great big smile.the guys are heading off to the army soon.i will miss them.miss the times when we joked around, miss the times when we celebrate each other's birthday, bowling session and many more. memories just keep spinning in my head. esp after watching siti's video on facebook. those memories, those days, those time....

hey guys: JIAYOUS for army! i await for the transformed 0811B boys to guys!

no title..

today is just a shitty day with quarells with my mom over housework!
today i am forever called upon for doing housework..i dunno why!   :(
da bian!!!!the only happy thing is that we have got some plans for daddy's 49th birthday!

tired..

life's still as usual...

at work i still get scolded by some customers when i didn't do anything wrong, and at the same time i also get scolded for the mistakes i make. Sometimes i really hate myself, hate myself for being the blur and forgetful person that often can't do the work properly. i told some but they tell me it's human error, maybe it is, maybe it isn't..maybe it's just me-the useless one.

but ytd, i felt so happy and comfortable..because i got to met lao gong after xxx years! it's been so long since we last met,i really miss her so much.it feels so heart-warming to be with her...and she;s always there to lend me her BIG BIG ears, the ever ready ears!

and that day i got a shirt that i always wanted from the pasar malam after a horrible,vegetable day at work.I tried to help out and wanted to learn something new but all i got was a terrifying and heart wrenching scolding from a DOC. but that wouldn't stop me from learning! but sometimes i just hope those customers give new comers like us a chance to serve us. there's always a first in everything..

daddy.s birthday is coming and my mind is still blank....

OUR realistic life...

Old saying " being someone who's rich does not mean you can get everything in the world." BUT in today's realistic world, only half of the saying holds, money really does make the world go round! That's why ppl are just so "careful" with their money, they scold;scrutinise or even to the extend of fighting at times.


Working just makes me realise how realistic it can be these days...


Sometimes i think life should be a bit more simply, a little more heart warming...


  ( look at the kite that's so carefree, life should be like this.. )
Ppl, sometimes things aren't within our control, even if they are, we should be a little more open-minded, money does not always ensure happiness. That's what my dad has always taught me, in our lives, how much we earn, how much we spend is destined at times, money DOES NOT make the world THAT GREAT..


*TSK* in 1 sec,life can turn topsy-turvy, We can't carry the money if (touch wood) something happens.life just about being HAPPY!Just lead a happy life; a life that doesn't let you live in regrets.


that's how my wonderful dad taught me and that's how he lead his life..


-CHEERS DADDY!-


Daddy, your birthday is coming soon! I LOOOOOOoooooooVVVvvvvEEEEE YOU!!!!!   

life's really interesting at times~

work continues after 1 week break..

sometimes i think life is really interesting with some interesting ppl.

"Hello _______, may i help you?" i said.

"Can i speak to your salesperson" he/her said.

"they are currently not here at the moment" i answered.

and the scolding starts...

luckily the scolding isn't that bad, so i just merely took the phone a bit further cause the client was raising his/her voice louder every minute, so after that all i could say is i am sorry, i will ask the salesperson to call you back.

Working makes me realise that the world isn't that simply and it's just getting "cuter" every minute with ppl of all kinds. Some customers are really nice ppl that care to chat and great us, some are so understanding that i take my hats off them.Life's great cause cute ppl are all around!:D

This is my 2nd post! I have decide to give blogging a try after reading vivi's blog, mel's blog, weixi's blog.maybe that's how life works,as simply as just pending down my life.  Blogging = online diary where memories are kept...

it's my first post!and the person i want to thank most is my sister!cause she helped me with every single bit of this blog!:)

-CHEERS!-