nightmares come to an end,but not reality.

THIS IS CRAP!really crap.i landed on singapore on 15th march,8+ pm just to get a blow after another which sends me spinning and spinning tilll i broke down and cried till my eyes swell.

1st,i got the news about the appeal for gp.actually when i called home for the application for nyp,my sis read the msg to me.but i thought no one would appeal and it's quite exp.and i didn't hear about any closing application date,so i just threw that aside to settle the NYP stuffs.who knows?so many ppl applied,i was in shock for 2 few mins.

2nd,biggest blow.i read all the msg and the same msg keep appearing from diff ppl,and most of them got their solutions and i guess i was the only lost soul running around in circles.some told me they are going to retake,some told me they are going to apply and wait and when they start asking me,telling me that the application dateline is like TMR or Wed(which is today) and i was lost.i don't even know what course i want to study.So,I AM LOST.

3rd,i haven't settled down and my piano teacher called,told me to get down in like 5 mins to get the piano book from him so that i can use it for tmr's exam.I was flustering,like a mad woman;i haven't been practicing piano for like more than a week and with my lousy skills i am going for grade 2 exam.So,I WAS MORE LOST.

4th,my mom started yelling at me and my sis.Yelling + Nagging about we not giving a hand while she had to clear all the luggages to do laundry.SO,I WAS VERY LOST + Frustrated.

5th,i told my dad about the retaking and appealing for gp,e told me it's alrights to go back to sch to study for another year,which was actually my last option.cause i really don't wish to get back there.it's like a nightmare.i don't want to go back to the place where i failed so many times despite the hardwork.it's like something that is lost,once lost,you can never get it back.,the confidence that was lost due to all the failures just adds up all tgt. i  don't have the confidence to get back there and tell myself i will do better.i can't promise that,i don't have the confidence in myself. Does anyone knows how it feels like?

1+2+3+4+5 = EXPLOSION!


my tears kept rolling down like nobody's business.i called shu ling and i cried more.i was lost,really lost in the faraway land that may send me to hell.it just hurts to see the result slip again or hear someone talk about it.i was like a naked child running in the woods,running to somewhere which has no ends.i just kept on crying and i shouted.i let out all my emotions at one go.At south Africa,i was smiling and i was telling everyone that i don't wish to return here,don't wish to face  the reality.the reality that hurts like anything.


and heys,to everyone: i know i was harcsh,i know i am being emo but it's all because i am los,i really am baffled.i am sorry,guys. i didn't throw  my tantrums on purpose,i didn't want to lose control of my emotions.i really love you guys.so,i am sorry.esp to mom amd dad and my family mambers, i know you guys are trying to help me and trying to make me happy.i really appreciate it. :)
Lim Kelly,sorry.Stop being mad at me.i didn't purposely lock you outside the room,i just needed some time,some moments which i can all alone and cry my lungs out.